


silence and patience, pining in anticipation

by glitterdiable (brujadelmar)



Series: RPDR UK Character study [1]
Category: RuPaul's Drag Race UK RPF
Genre: Analysis, Canon Compliant, Character Study, F/F, M/M, Past Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-25
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-03-15 18:54:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29688420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brujadelmar/pseuds/glitterdiable
Summary: A’Whora is an over-analyzer and Tayce doesn’t give a fuck.
Relationships: A'Whora/Tayce (Drag Race)
Series: RPDR UK Character study [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2182743
Comments: 3
Kudos: 59





	silence and patience, pining in anticipation

**Author's Note:**

> not revised

* * *

A’Whora remembers the first time she saw Tayce in person, after a couple of months of exchanging Instagram likes. She was mesmerized by Tayce’s beauty and calm posture, the way she stared intently and without any doubt, how she looked like a painting against the club’s lights behind her. 

It was a good feeling back then, wanting Tayce, because she was sure that Tayce wanted her back. There was no secret, just loud and obvious flirtation, a love game that they were used to. 

And no drama, which had set the mood for the perfect night to come. 

Because everyone knew pretty well that they had been together a couple of times and it was okay; it was fine. Tayce would be with other people and so would A’Whora, two single young babes at London nights.

So the first time they went home together, living in the same neighborhood, and ending in the same house and bed, A’Whora couldn’t simply imagine how they would be together for such a long time, how complex that ‘relationship’ would become.

Oh, no. There was her, Tayce, and no one else. Taking off make-up and high heels, taking off their masks and glamour to finally touch each other with no shame; and they were starving, a bit desperate. A’Whora had pictured that happening so many times that she was almost afraid that it would end terribly bad. Again, overthinking. 

It wouldn’t. She melted with the sweet words Tayce told her, with that charming accent, way too close to her ears, breathing on the neck. It was better than she could picture and it felt oddly unsatisfying when both were done. She wanted a bit more. 

Tayce left, of course, as it was expected. 

.

There was no way to escape from each other, living in the same neighborhood, being in the same night job, knowing the same people, wanting the same things. They eventually became friends and not just two people who wanted to bang, which was sweet for a while. 

Tayce took interest in A’Whora’s work and A’Whora went to Tayce’s gigs. There was little opportunity for night affairs, but they still wanted each other, that was clear. 

.

The problem was that A’Whora needs very little to doubt herself. Just a small action and she would freak out. Tayce was friendly but emotionally distant and A’Whora didn’t know how to read her signs - if there were any.

When they met on the show, A’Whora thought that they could still be the same; Tayce had other plans. 

Flirting and being loud about their fling wasn’t _that_ allowed anymore and soon, talking about the past was off the table. Yet Tayce was there, the intimacy was there, the partnership was there. It drove her crazy sometimes, trying to figure Tayce out; Tayce that never left her side, Tayce that would always choose her, Tayce that would pick her battles like they were a unit and at the same time, untouchable Tayce, just best friends. 

She just accepted, played along, but not very quietly, of course. 

.

  
  


Tayce told her about the house situation and A’Whora didn’t even think twice; she didn’t think Tayce would accept her offer, to be honest.

Tayce moving in was like a Christmas night; before that, it was just A’Whora and her loud, incessant thoughts, silence, and fear. The mirrors would tell her that she wasn’t good enough, the silence around the house screamed loneliness and the pieces that she left on the table whispered failure. 

Tayce walked in with her magnetic smile, delicious accent, and unbeatable energy and saved the day. 

.

Tayce would sing in the mornings, sometimes to annoy A’Whora, but, generally to herself. She was a mess, leaving traces of her presence everywhere, whether was a forgotten sock, a cup of tea (still half full), tiny notes, or press-on nails. A’Whora really wanted to get mad at her friend, but it was like seeing a reminder that she wasn’t alone anymore. 

When A’Whora went back to her day job, Tayce would keep quiet at night, knowing that she needed a good night of sleep. And when A’whora was leaving the house in the morning, she stared at Tayce’s room door and smiled, happy. 

. 

  
  


Those months were so calm, despite the horrors outside. 

They liked to watch TV together, sitting on the couch. Lights off, the telly’s light bright on their faces. Tayce commented on the most polemic subjects and A’Whora was just reacting, sometimes laughing, sometimes just sipping on tea, holding her socked foot. 

Cleaning was loud and involved them singing terribly and laughing their asses off. 

Dinner was chaotic and they only had time or patience to cook a proper meal on weekends, when they were bored. 

Once in a while, the tension would arise unexpectedly, especially if A’Whora kept staring, which was a terrible and constant habit. She was overwhelmed by Tayce, her presence, and beauty and she was never really tired of it. 

They were polar opposites, after all. 

Tayce would be laying on the carpet, not caring about any aspect of her body, just existing, as if the world outside wasn’t ending as if there were no storms or questions in her mind, just a constant celebrative or contemplative mood. A’Whora was, somehow, obsessed by the way she was just effortlessly beautiful, calm and happy, nothing coming in or out to expose pain and doubts. 

Tayce would never let those tense moments linger and would always keep a distance. At this moment, A’Whora was already used to it. That wall, blocking any unwelcoming feeling, anything between them. Sometimes, it felt like they were rewriting their past, no longer resembling the shameless acquaintances of just months ago. 

She was almost forgetting the taste of Tayce’s kiss, how it felt, the sweet words and filthy sounds.

.

A’Whora came home one night and found Bimini at the kitchen table, drinking and waiting for her. Tayce was trying to cook a vegan meal and it looked like a mess. A’Whora was genuinely happy, as she was every time another queen gave her the time of their day. 

They had a lovely dinner, but one of Tayce’s brothers called and she excused himself, a slight trace of worry in her eyes as she left the room. 

“Is everything alright here, babes?” Bimini asked calmly, shaking her wine glass. She was quiet and small, soft and hardly annoyed, the embodiment of peace. 

“Yes,” A’Whora answered and suddenly her mind started to make her panic. “Why? Did Tayce said something about not being okay here?”

“Nope,” Bimini giggled. “Did Tayce ever complain about things that really matter? That’s not her at all. That’s why I’m asking you.”

“No, it’s fine,” A’Whora smiled. “Better than I expected.”

Bimini nodded and then asked, 

“Isn’t that weird, though?”

“What?”

A’Whora was waiting for that question, but she had to be sure. 

“You guys living together like that,” Bimini said, impassive. 

“I thought it would be,” A’Whora confessed. “But now that we’re just friends, it’s nice.”

Bimini held a laugh, repeating ‘just friends’ quietly. A’Whora didn’t know what to expect of her, as she was very dismissive, pretty much like Tayce (and maybe that was why the two of them got along so well). 

“We’re not fucking,” A’Whora said, a bit defensive, a bit sad. 

“I don’t think you’re lying,” Bimini drank her wine and waited before adding. “It’s just because you don’t really look like ‘just friends’ to anyone, you know.”

“I know, but that’s the truth,” A’Whora shrugged. “I would, but she wouldn’t.”

Bimini just stared at her for a while before laughing. 

“Yeah, she’s just playing house with you, I guess. Thought you were smart, babes.”

Tayce came back and she looked okay, smiling, happy. She didn’t tell why they called but warned A’Whora that as soon as they allowed her to, she would have to go back home for a while.

.

A’Whora fell down a spiral of over-analyzing again and the worst part was that Tayce was the trigger.

Anything Tayce did would make A’Whora ask herself what was really going on. Tayce didn’t seem to notice, or didn’t care - she wouldn’t question A’Whora hissing to the mirror or staring at the wall normally, why would she question her weird behavior now?

Unexpectedly, she addressed the problem. 

“Didn’t you want Bimini to come?” Tayce asked when they weren’t talking during dinner. “You look weird since she left.”

“Oh, god, no,” A’Whora felt bad. “I love her. I want her to come often, actually. I miss everyone.”

“Huh,” Tayce said. “Then why are you stuck in your head, girl?”

“Same as always,” A’Whora dismissed, which was a first. “Nothing new.”

Tayce stared at her, leaning her head slightly back as she did when she was paying attention. A’Whora felt shy for a moment. 

“What?” She laughed nervously. 

“Nothing,” Tayce smiled. 

.

  
  


A’Whora caught herself thinking how sad it would be when Tayce left - not only “for a while”, but forever. It was a temporary situation, after all. They would have no reason to live together after the lockdown, and it would be weird, too. 

When the show called them back, A’Whora was both excited and afraid. 

“Can you believe it?” Tayce said, laughing. “We’re going back, girl.”

She laughed it off. 

.

  
  


Tayce didn’t say a word about moving out. As always, called her ‘roomie’ and ‘mate’ and their relationship was the same as always, despite the queens making fun of them. At the hotel, they ate together, left for their rooms together, waiting for each other, sharing looks. Filming and being together was a habit now. 

It’s good to have a best friend like this, A’Whora thought. She really never had one before. 

Tayce seemed to want to stick around, too. Tayce liked her, as a person. And at some moment, Tayce wanted her, which was nice as well. They don’t share about their sex lives or anything like that, keeping a safe distance and at the end of the day, A’Whora was happy to have her by her side. 

She got drunk when the show ended, both in the kitchen with friends and family members around. They were celebrating and A’Whora tried her best to hold her tears until everyone left which caused her to start crying just after closing the door. She didn’t like to cry in front of anyone, especially Tayce, who didn’t address any sad feelings, usually.

“Oh, no,” Tayce laughed. “You’re really drunk, aren’t you, girl?”

“Shut up,” A’Whora complained. “Leave me alone with my annoying feelings. Just go away already.”

Tayce guided her in, still smiling. “You’re gonna have a hard time trying to get rid of me, girl,” she said. “I ain’t going anywhere.”

.

* * *


End file.
